The sister I never had

Today I am crying,
For the sister I never had,
Thinking how nice it'd be,
But right now it makes me very sad.
I think of how I'll make her hair,
and then she will work on mine,
As we  comb through our secrets bare,
Our hearts will forever entwine.
I'll steal her dress,
The pretty pink with flowers on it,
And she will steal mine- unless,
We decide what's hers is mine.
I think of how I'll not let her sleep,
Or sometimes of how I'll make her weep,
I will tell her all my secrets deep,
Nothing from each other shall we ever keep.
And if a guy will break her heart,
I'll make him pay for all her hurt,
And if ever a guy will break my heart,
I'll know she's there to kick his butt.
I will know there's somebody for me,
Who wouldn't judge me- not even a bit,
She would be the best friend I'll ever need,
And i am sure we would never grow apart.
But today I am crying,
With a broken heart,
Wishing on a sister I never had,
And all the things I could have done with her...

To chillies playing on my tongue

My affair with chillies,
Go deeper than deep,
And when it's hotter than hot,
My love for it grows by folds and folds.

With a pinch of salt,
And a bite bigger than big,
My tongue is on fire,
A fire sweeter than sweet.

And when I take a sip,
Of the hot steaming butter tea,
My tongue burns with so much heat,
That there's firework all around me!

Everything in white

Everything in white,

The pretty lilacs and roses,

On her wrists and on her hair,

On the ground and everywhere.

Her graceful strides as she glimmered in white,

While eyes in awe and mouths flung open,

Two pretty girls in pastel white followed,

Her silky white flowing dress in their hands.

Her eyes met his on the altar he stood,

Her man in white and everything better than good.

A dream come true,

As they said their vows- "I do",

But oh She awoke from her dream of her fairytale day,

Where everything was only white and gay...

My midnight date

Midnight hunger pangs,

And the cold dark Corridor,

My bed spoils me good,

So warm it wouldn't let me move.

A hungry roar and an angry stomach ,

I leave my happy bed,

For the cold oh but for the food I crave,

I shove it down my throat so quick,

Some tea so hot to wash it down,

Then I rush back to the feathers and fleece,

To fall asleep between my blankets warm,

To continue with my midnight date,

Yes, to my bed who loves me so much! ;)

Her

Such voluptuousness,

In the sway of her hips,

Each stride she takes,

Defines pretty grace.

It's in the way she blinks,

And bats her long lashes,

Oh Such sweet shyness,

Leaves me bedazzled and dazed.

Her luscious lips,

A deep crimson red,

And the softness in her breaths,

She's a gentle soul I say.

It's Her pink rosy cheeks,

And Her smooth milky skin,

And oh her everything,

This woman of my dreams!

Don't judge me

Don't judge me,

Because of how I laugh,

I am only letting go,

Of the emotions buried deep.

Don't judge me,

If I seem too distant,

A storm is raging inside,

That I don't want you to see.

Don't judge me,

If I expect too much,

I only think so high,

Of the people that I love.

Don't judge me,

For not being there,

I may be lost myself,

It's never that I don't care.

Don't judge me,

If I am being myself,

It's only to the people that I trust,

That I ever show my true self.

It's hollow, dark and grim inside,

Though it beats so synchronously,

What seems black was red once,

Now only darkness so black flows.

The walls within echo in sadness,

The heavy grief i feel so deeply,

Ring in my ears- the only sound i hear,

Yet time moves on and so should I.

The empty halls of my darkened soul,

Has only empty thoughts that roam about,

You can see it reflect in my sullen eyes,

My soul is shattered-I've lost my light.

Little do I know,

Of the heart that I own,

It's beating loud and distinct,

I don't know what it seeks.

Little do I know,

Of the sad songs that I sing,

How blue and bitter I may sound,

Yet my soul find its peace.

Little do I know,

How broken I am inside,

Until I see how not being broken is,

I find my joy in the little that I know...

An ode to the dragon king- HM the fourth Druk Gyalpo, Jigme Singye Wangchuck

Exactly six decades ago,
A jewel was born,
With a heart of gold,
And Like the future was foretold,
Ascending to the dragon throne,
This dragon himself roared,
He took upon himself,
The burden of his people,
And at such a tender age,
The dragon strived and his nation thrived.
This dragon king knows no bounds,
He seeks the truth in simplicity,
The four pillars that now stands tall,
To be happy is our nation's most important call.
We Bhutanese are simply blessed and beyond,
The pride we take in being a Bhutanese,
The pride that we have a father so loving,
And likewise our love for him knows no bounds.
The dragon kingdom strives and glimmers,
This dragon king and his dragon people,
And each time the thunders roar aloud,
Across the beautiful dragon skies,
We are reminded of the jewel we have,
And The thunder he brought into our lives.
Now we the dragon people,
Eternally grateful to the joy our father blessed us with,
Stand together with prayers and well wishes,
In celebrating the sixty years of happiness,
Celebrating the dragon king's very existence,
Celebrating what has made us be us,
I wish our king a long peaceful life,
Filled with happiness so immense,
For all that he has done for us,
For all that he has done for our kingdom,
And a fine example for the rest of the world.
Happy 60th birthday, my beloved dragon king!

A sea of faces

A sea of faces,
and i drown in them,
my pensive mood,
and my throbbing head,
yet all the faces blur away,
only their whisperings get louder,
as my mines starts shaking,
they should not matter,
i keep saying.
i feel their eyes feasting upon me,
its unfair how a crowd can win,
their piercing glares,
too much a bother,
ignorance is bliss,
only when one can ignore,
but the sea of faces,
drown my thoughts,
and I am just another face,
among the sea of faces.
 

she sings a tune so sad,
she drowns her pain in them,
her words will clutch at your heart,
it will break you and tear u apart.

her eyes reflect such sorrow,
such misery welled up in them,
and if she ever shed a tear,
she has none to hold her dear.

if perchance your skins touch,
you will feel her prickly grief,
as if like thorns so sharp,
her pain simply plays like a musical harp.

i fear this girl would break away,
but i see her grow strong each day,
her heart must now be stoned and gray,
how ever could she live this way?

hopeful

despite what's roaring all around,
the chaos loud and piercing,
my mind has been lost and found,
oh those signs i keep missing.

a little hope i keep alive,
in case things quieten a bit,
in case i can listen and thrive,
i am but hopeful indeed.

but m scared to death,
of the silence that will follow,
will i be able to listen to it?
to my beating heart-what for will it beat?
and this hopeful me dies a bit,
will i ever be that hopeful again?

Red!

Today I sang in hues of red,

With a beating heart,

Against my chest,

Fumbling words at my very best,

No more blues,

And only red.

As I blushed the crimson red,

A flower in my hair,

And flowers everywhere,

The garden that I own,

And the seeds that I've sown,

Everything in red.

The Owl

Oh it's midnight again,

i better turn off my light,

i better try to sleep tonight,

and for once stop being the owl.

 

if i had the world to me,

i shall keep alive the nights,

while the days i sleep very tight,

i shall become one perfect owl.

but the world is weird,

they wake up with the sun,

then they expect me to shine as well,

despite my constant owling at night,

the world wins all the time.

so i'm in bed and trying my best,

to fall asleep and join them snoring rest,

yet my thoughts just linger on,

and my eyes are open wide,

I simply can not put to sleep,

this wild crazy owl in me.

my best friend

so i took this walk,

while the sun had sunk,

and darkness loomed by,

i was thinking deep,

of nothing in particular,

until i realized,

what has become of me.

i hugged myself,

despite the heat,

a chill ran down my spine,

as the truth dawned upon me.

can i be my best friend?

i guess then i'll have until the end,

no one will be truer to me,

than my very self.

i forgave myself for all my sins,

for the person that i have become.

i loved myself a little more,

at least i deserve my love for  me,

when all else fails,

and there's no one around,

i guess i will still have me.

Whispers

He whispered soft,
to my tickling ears,
the words I dreaded,
the words I loved.

I took his eyes,
to feast upon,
hoping to drink away,
his soul in mine.

stay, now would you?
and i lean on him,
taking his mouth all over mine,
i drenched him,
in my love so fine.

then another whisper,
and he's gone,
taking what i offered,
yet taking none.

Nearing the end

Nearing the end,
and I'm all butterflies inside,
all the sensations that i send,
those feelings that inside i hide.
i have now reached a point,
where I'm okay to return,
unlike the yesterdays,
when I wanted to turn back time.
this person that i have become,
through this journey that's evolved me,
all the lessons that I've learned,
and the people that I've met,
only have me realize,
that the world is rather small,
and the people all are the same,
the colors donot matter,
neither does the sound we make.
yet all of us are worlds apart,
it actually makes me sad inside,
it has changed my way of perception,
I have become kinder inside.
I am blessed to have come so far,
to see the world in its various forms,
to taste magic and make magic,
with people whom I'll never see again.
I am blessed to have danced to the music,
when the universe played the DJ,
all those love and friendship I acquired,
it makes me sad and it makes me gay.
the shy hellos were tough to say,
but the goodbyes now are just dark and grey,
the places and the people- now my friends,
I bid you farewell now that it's nearing the end.

If today

if today you must go,
in search of your light,
that shines dimly in my eyes,
but it is a light i can't deny.

if today you kiss me goodbye,
i will kiss you back solemnly,
and stretch my lips into a big smile,
i want you to see me happy at the least.

if today you find your dream,
my soul shall rest in peace,
i wouldn't have made no mistakes,
for having let go of you today.

you are the magic!

It amazes me sometimes too deep,
of how little i have desires of things to keep,
how insanely simple my soul can be,
and the only few things my eyes wishes to see.
yet there is you in my dreams,
your name that I only scream,
and the feelings you stir up inside of me,
leaves me a helpless, hopeless romantic I’d be.
i know you are the magic,
i know you are the pixie dust,
because all the love and all the lust,
you ignite in me the flames of guilt,
of wildness and pleasure in me that builts,
until i am about to explode in madness,
the madness a whisper or two it'd be,
but the storm it rages inside of me,
almost a second closer to losing i'd be.
But you are the magic,
i repeat again,
so much power over me you restrain,
and with a single puff it's gone,
all the swellings in my heart,
and all the heartstrings that you pull,
and the crazy storm in my head,
i am now the calm soul that seeks no solace.

a free bird

I am a bird,
Never meant to be caged,
I was always meant to fly,
Always meant to spread my wings,
against the strong gush of the winds,
gliding in awe,
But never on the ground.
This freedom that i seek,
the very definition of me,
the disappointing faces that i leave behind,
as i take flight,
to soar high amidst the clouds,
tasting heaven even as i breathe,
I am sorry but this bird has to fly,
I cannot be caged for far too long,
Or my wings may never spread again,
this soul may rot in chains,
so let the skies burn in flames,
i shall fly through them -i choose my fate,
but this ground below me that i see,
was never never meant for me.

:D we are all dark and evil

bugger off! you mean old man!
i asked for vengeance, you replied with love,
you make no sense, with a confused old mind,
it must stink of love, the stench i despise.
if you listened to my words, they meant for you to shine,
i offered you much hatred, wrapped in perfect demise,
if you took my hand, the world would have cried in plea,
we would have what i asked, the vengeance that I seek.
what is love and what is loving,
when you can hate and keep on hating,
i hope now your brain must rot,
your heart must bleed out all that love,
i hope now that anger runs your blood,
or else your veins may burst and rupture all that love.
you are frail old man, and dying from this love,
each thing you touch just blooms and blossoms,
be my man, and i shall teach you darkness,
because deep down we are all dark and evil we be,
oh, why is it that you just don't believe me?
see now, you shall die with the useless love you bear,
your death, i gift you and this you do not refuse.

To lavenders!

You pretty lavenders,

I heard about you eons ago,

you do not grow where I grew and wandered,

so now your seeds I sow.

Your distinct, sweet and enchanting smell,

i cannot miss- i cannot even resist,

while you waver to and fro in the breeze,

you fill my nostrils and my internals tend to freeze.

I cannot compare you to those honeysuckles,

you are tiny flowers yet you smell more divine,

and you spread your love beyond time,

that i value each little bud on your stalk.

if i dream of wonders at night,

with just a jarful of you near me-I surrender,

it surely must be heaven on earth,

to sleep in a field full of you pretty lavenders!

you know,
the uneasy feeling you feel inside,
when you are nervous,
yet these feelings you must hide?
i stop and look back at my life,
these i feel again inside,
knowing how time just flew,
how i met everyone and then i met you,
it spreads like a wildfire inside me,
and like my wings are broken and burnt,
i can never really fly back time,
to when i was happy just being with you.

when love and hate collides,
m pretty sure hate subsides,
but what when science and faith collides?
it tests a man's cognitive,
but some things science just cannot explain,
so faith comes out a winner,
although i am pretty convinced,
in the end it matters not,
those clashes and those collisions,
a man wins not a battle with life,
then what is living?

~Darling sea~

Darling sea,
I wanna marry you,
I promise to sit by your side,
watching each sunrise,
memorizing each sunset.
and when i walk upon your sands,
while you lap against my skin,
i will feel the tingles from within,
smiling-how happy we make a team.
when i see how blue you are,
i feel so dizzy with so much love,
i cannot seem to drink enough of you,
i cannot seem to see enough of you,
and when i breathe in your smell,
it feels like home, like heaven awaits.
but i am miles away from you,
surrounded only by the never-ending lands,
 but i see you in my dreams,
and i feel you in my heart,
and you are in my only prayers,
i hope to someday marry you!

Void

suddenly i feel so void,
like everything has left me,
the feelings that i had tried to avoid,
now ceased to at all bother me.

suddenly it feels so dark and grey,
all else around me succumbed away,
and i have nothing no more left to say,
as i let the darkness fill the void.

suddenly i hear the world so silent,
exactly like my soul-drowned in the void,
and as if that was not enough emptiness,
even tears refuse to infuse this void.

Little Felix!

This little guy makes the most sense,
He has those amazing ideas,
his reasoning simple and clear,
and he will draw you pictures,
that will touch you in places,
which you thought was not so possible.

This little guy and just six of age,
with his innocent cute smile,
and his perception of the world,
will make you think twice,
and wish that he never grows old.

This little guy has the prettiest of eyes,
and when you look at them,
they are a pair of pretty globes,
or the deepest of the ocean world,
like the truth itself dwells in them,
like me, you will be so lost in them.

This little guy makes me think of hope,
of love and every possibilities,
if the world is filled with kids like him,
the world will surely be a wonderland,
innocence, intelligence and magnificence,
this little guy has the best of it all,
and just like his name and his beautiful soul,
the world will be the happiest for all!

~farewell~

you came,
brought along a thunderstorm,
that shook me to my senses,
now i have none.

i tried,
held back the tingles that rang and rang,
deep inside of me- my heart made no sense,
now the silence simply rings-so clear in my head.

i swear,
you were like the sky ablaze,
only your light just burned out tonight,
now i'm only cold and blinded and hazed.

you left,
and me now a bedazzled and grey,
ah! it never had to end this way,
but i'm saying farewell to you today.

Geniuses!

Ah! the guy who discovered that!
and the guy who discovered this!
too many to name,
these geniuses!

However can a man think,
beyond what lay in front of them?
expanding the horizons?
the geniuses see none of them.

i say, these men are beyond human,
extraordinary minds that can't be challenged,
their intellects- so purely out of space,
they awe me so much, these geniuses!

their brains must work like the future machines,
what must go on in them, i wonder!
this simple life- they may never suffice,
it must be so complex to live a geniuses' life!

~love song~

i'm gonna write me a love song,
and each word will rhyme with you,
it's gonna be about me all along,
yet it will have everything to do with you.
and as I sing out loud the pretty words,
you'll know how much it revels,
as it will be super sugar coated,
thick with sweetness you can't refuse,
it'll prick your ears and teased you'll be,
oh this love song i shall write for me!

call me by these names

ooh...
i wouldn't mind being called Drizzle,
shower the world with love so purple!
i wouldn't mind being called Crystal,
i'll do my best to shine and glimmer,
oh what of being called Summer?
whilst i sing and dance under the sun,
i don't mind being called Thunder either,
I want to roar so loud and strong,
and also be the comfort that follows,
Or call me Hope of sunshine and rainbows,
to lift up every spirit that needs lifting,
Oh call me the Sea, or the Moon or the Stars,
I wanna be called the Sky that holds them all,
or the Ground that holds when you fall,
Call me the Beginning or the End,
I can be both and even stick in the middle,
oh call me the Black of the colours,
I will only coat those that needs coating,
Yet of those i wouldn't mind being called,
call me by those names that you heed,
Drizzle or Hope, I'll be whatever you need.

to humanity!

when voices go unheard,
and screams go in vain,
death is a matter of joke,
while men hunt men,
and slaughter is a game.
the world is turning grey,
yet we fail to see it,
while smog fills the air,
and the water turns black,
the lands desert and barren,
why ever can't men see?
too much blinded with guile, maybe?
stop that fighting and that killing,
stop polluting and corrupting,

just stop and listen to the voices,
and lets hold hands together,
lets let peace prevail,
and shoot people with love,
or bombard the world with happiness,
and bring back humanity,
which we are almost at loss.

bewitch you

they say it is the season of the witch,
i disagree, but yet i agree,
i sincerely want to bewitch you,
from the deepest darkest corners in me,
shall i cast a spell on you?
and bind you to me for eternity?
i want my magic to rub on you,
so you see me and nothing else,
but doing so would make you mad,
and will you ever forgive me,
if I end up bewitching you?

depressed?

i say my clock is all disturbed,
it is tough to fall asleep at all,
then comes the mornings for me,
which begins when the sun is about to sink,
with a throbbing head that might just explode,
Am I simply feeling depressed?
because the days pass by in much a pain.
sometimes i yearn for some human touch,
yet I know i can survive without much,
though i doubt how i will ever come out,
at the end of all this mess I am in now,
i worry if i'll come out a queen,
a warrior glad to have survived this battle,
or if i'll even make it out a human,
with my sanity still intact and strong,
surely i am not depressed, you think?

that black, thickened soot on him,
suits him to the core of his self,

his gazes that could burn your skin,
with eyes black and cold and dark,
could leave you with sullen marks,
and all the while your skin crawls,
yet you only wish for more.
he will take your hands in his rough,
you will feel him strong and hard yet young,
that blank stare will be fixed on you,
while you feel squeamish under his glare,
and when he opens his hardened lips,
you will not hear no music, nor grief,
only the truth no matter how cruel it is,
he is a phantom and you are the dreamer,
hold on to him if you think you can,
deal with the truth that he only has to offer,
or let him go and let go of his fine hands.

tattoo

i would like to have one,
or two or three maybe,
strewn across my shoulder blades,
it could be small or it could be big,
for as long as it depicts,
the person i am or who i wanna be.
i am an inch or two away,
from getting what i have always wanted,
it will hurt, of course, its flesh!
but the hurt will bring me smiles,
the pain will only make me happy,
for i am a step closer to my own glory.
i will feel myself dance inside,
whilst i get inked and pretty, i hope,
a fulfilled heart will flutter in joy,
but i see of course the wrinkled skin too,
and i promise not to regret my youth,
even the ugly, inked and wrinkled me,
will look pretty, young and lively still,
for the ink shall stain my blood to remind me,
of the fiery self i wish to unleash so badly...

when?

when did the sparks stop flying?
when did i stop trying?
when did the heart stop beating?
when did the lights go out?
when did my eyes close shut?
when did i stop breathing?
when did the truth seem scarier?
when did i start to lose faith?
when did i question us?
when did life start falling apart?
when did it hit me hard?
when did i realize the truth unheard?
when did my memory cease to remind me?
when did giving up became a priority?
when did i finally become me?
when? when? when?

Its funny how I am feeling these days,
Lying on my bed, day after day,
I am perfectly normal, I say,
But I doubt myself, in every little way.

I felt a tremor in my dream last night,
But I felt it in reality too, I swear to it,
and the only one shaken is me,
and my fine sugarcoated lies.

staring at the white walls,
m thinking things that shouldn't be thought,
i am desperate now to freeze the clock,
maybe, just maybe, i am not normal anymore...

~16:52

o.o

She stares upon the girl,
wondering what has become of her,
the girl looks her in the eye,
as if challenging what went on inside,
the girl is stubborn and her soul is dark,
but nothing to stain her,
not even a mark.
She wears her heart on her sleeves,
opening up to everyone she meets,
only to get her sleeves stained in red,
but nothing has she ever said,
only her eyes gleaming in tears,
but her lips stretch into a smile,
except it doesn't touch her eyes,
those eyes speak more than the she could hear,
she brings all her strength together,
and shatters the mirror in screams unheard,
wiping hot tears stinging her eyes,
she doesn't need the mirror,
to see the girl she knows she is,
nor the judgements from another,
She will live by her will,
the troubled little heart she's got,
she knows one day will surely get fixed!

the fight within me

this stupid fight i have with me,
starts with love yet hate conflicts,
i love how the words come out,
they are louder than my own voice,
and I like the way they sound,
But i always have had the choice,
to choose to be heard or not be found,
and my choices scare the hell out of me.
i'd rather have my words unheard,
although in writing it reflects my soul,
its an inkling closer to revealing me,
something i am not sure i want,
i'd rather have no one read them,
for they mean the world to me,
its enough that it is in black and white,
its enough that that loudness be confined.
yet m here blogging it away,
and hoping no one reads it,
afraid another soul may see me,
afraid they will come to knowing me,
and my soul that i have perfectly masked.
I am risking my identity here,
I am risking my whole being,
the world shan't know how I'm feeling,
it isn't theirs to know,
and it surely isn't mine to show,
like this stupid conflict here,
which surely doesn't deserve a read!

~16:33

frustrated

frustration gets the worst of me,
it ignites the hatred i feel for me,
and burns so wild so easily,
and spreads through me so scarily,
and i let it be,
but the storm in me rages too far,
so loud and so ultra clear,
i am useless and stupid and sad,
with no friends to call,
in times of need and when i wanna talk,
what do u call a person like me,
whose visions blurred,
i mean literally,
and whose only thoughts conflict with me,
i can;t not just let it be,
for its getting out the worst in me.
lots of 'ifs' circling around in my head,
if i did that and if i said that,
damn it rubs on and on,
until again i'm so mad at me,
for getting so frustrated so easily!

i met a girl

i met this girl,
so troubled and confused,
she spoke to me,
in silence and tears,
her shaky hands,
all over mine,
as she told me how,
she wished to turn back time.
i felt her pain,
and shared her sorrow,
saw through her eyes,
that nothing really follows,
But in her heart lies,
the truth so hard and cruel.
waiting to erupt,
and destroy her whole world.
this girl that i;ve met,
she spoke of how i felt,
and when the mirror shattered,
it took all of her away,
this girl that i've met today...

my man has a fling

he has a fling,
or two or three,
with women i know not of,
because he's on and off,
and on again,
asking me why,
i don't have flings?
"i love you!",
i say,
supposedly angry,
then i ask him why,
he has these flings,
why, when i'm very alive?
his laughter loud
and very distinct,
echoes in the room
most loudly in my head,
"this women i have a fling,
or two or three with,
shes only in the pages,
and the books on our shelves,
darling, you are beyond compare,
these women are only alive,
in the pages that i read,
trust me, your man has no real flings!"

**the things i love

the things i love,
they start from you,
and the things you do,
they are beautiful.
you tell me things,
such pretty things,
it makes me happy,
and i soar high in love.
your touch i say,
its always the touch of the day,
cause what you do,
leaves me baffled and gay,
its all of you,
that i can proudly say,
why my world now shines,
and glimmers away,
because i have with me,
engraved and entangled,
all the things that let me be,
the way i am,
with the things i love.

ང་འགྱོ་བའི་ལམ་འདི་
བཛོལ་བ་མིན་ན་སྨོ་
བུ་ཚུ་ཁྱོད་ལུ་འབྱུང་མིའི་
སྡུག་བསྔལ་འདི་གི་གཞི་
བུ་མོ་ང་ཨིནམ་ཤེསཔ་ད་
རང་སེམས་ཡང་འཁྲུལ་མས་སྨོ་
མ་གཞི་འཁོར་བ་འདི་ན་
ཁྱོད་སྨྱོང་བའི་སྡུག་བསྔལ་འདི་
ལོག་བུ་མོ་ང་རང་ལུ་རང་
འཁོར་ནི་ཨིནམ་ཡང་ང་གི་ཤེས་ས་
ང་ བཛོལ་ཨིན་རུ་འབད་མ་ཚུ་
ལས་ནམ་ཀོད་་མེདཔ་དྲེས་སྨོ་
ཁྱོད་ལུ་དགའ་བའི་སེམས་འདེི་མི་ཛོགས་
ཁྱོད་གི་ཧ་གོ་འོང་ག་སྨོ་་་་

the days i wish it would never come,
the nights i wish it has no dawns,
my life i wish would make more sense,
and i wish i would make more sense.

not sure these thoughts run through your mind,
but they are always lingering on mines,
how i want to cut open my chest,
let go of the weight that's pulling my rest.

and puff! i want to be gone,
erased from the world,
erased from every memory that holds,
any sign of my existence.

it is suffocating whatever i am feeling,
tears don't heal the scars carved in,
even poetry now is merely a pain,
the words have i none to claim.

I haven't the courage in me to live,
I haven't the wits to even survive,
then what have i to deserve this life,
when i could be dancing among the stars at night?

18:51~

winter warmth

Winter came when I met you,
bringing with it so much cold i never knew,
it couldn't hurt me so much as it should,
because I melted at the very sight of you.
a warm heart never feels the chill,
you had mine warmed till the end of it,
and the story of us began to unfold,
it doesn't really matter how it will end,
as long as we are in every chapter of it,
we will keep filling the pages with warmth.
When winter ends and spring begins,
when new leaves and shoots spring up,
so will we and we will grow apart,
but the winter warmth shall run in our bloods,
the memories frozen in some part of us,
You are the blue and the hazy one,
the one that will keep me going in times unknown,
i hope for another winter to come,
and i hope it brings you along.

Darlin' you ought to believe me,
however crazy I may sound to be,
But what I saw in my horrid dream,
Shook all of me and the world around,
Merely a dream and I let it go,
Until the reality shook before me,
And flashed the cards for me to see,
My dreams come alive in the day,
What do I make of this, I say.
What about the dead that come to me?
What about the house I keep seeing?
And the woman that follows me?
They haunt me from time to time,
And will they ever come alive?

~22:17~

heart on fire

My heart is on fire,
It burns within,
I tell you, I am no liar,
From where I have been,
From what I have seen,
My skin is thinning,
the soul is weakening,
It may be a day or so,
until i will say no more,
and you will hear me no more,
but I give you today,
a chance to hear me out,
my burning heart needs hearing,
before the fire burns out.
Oh it hurts so much,
I am guilty and tired,
should my time come soon,
I'll gladly say my last prayers,
should the fire burn out,
and my soul should too,
but i will thank you,
for the ear you've lend,
When in ashes i shall be grateful,
for once the heart on fire,
that someone paid heed to.

For the love i have for you

if you want to meet somebody,
who will love you unconditionally,
she will bare her heart out,
for she has a heart so big,
she will fill you up with happiness,
oh she has so much to give.
and if you ask me who she is,
i will ask you if are worthy of her,
if you are as willing to love,
if you are gonna break her heart.

She will speak words a little harsh,
for she speaks out her unruly mind,
in spite of her spitefulness,
you should know best not to miss,
the kindness she hides beneath.
what's more prettier than her, i ask?
She has the heart to only love,
so pure, i say, she's bewitched me,
and everybody else who opens out to her.

And oh my, her love for animals,
i'll tell you she's a queen at heart,
and to just think of her,
leaves me smiling proud and happy,
to have a friend who is true at heart,
i wish her more of all she's got,
believe me, she deserves it all...

~14:19
for dechen yangzo

the sea

the sea called upon me,
and said as much as i could see,
and she smelled exactly like i hoped,
i could taste her saltiness as i breathe in,
and as she lapped on the sands,
and wet my feet so gently,
i felt the happiness she kindly gave me.
so blue, so vast and so very deep,
she reminded me of how pretty life can be,

as she gave me answers i would never have found.
but the sand being its prettiest yellow,
and the water gleaming in dazzling blue,
i felt how she was all i wanna see,
and seeing her, was i the happy happy me! :)))

~00:35 mood strikes me!! :D ~

oh i feel it deep down in me,
this bizarre life m pretending to live,
always a dreamer with hopes i'd be,
nothing in reality ever i'd achieve.
watching myself only lose my mind,
and over a zillion times i repeat,
those things i try to leave behind,
i am no fool to life's cruelty.
i feel caged and weak and broken inside,
crying for freedom m never to taste,
and still i believe with a crazy heart,
much courage have i to still go on.
oh but m losing it somehow now,
i am merely a shadow of me,
looking for a tomorrow within today,

and when it isn't better in any way,
i blame myself for believing the lies,
that i let me build in my messed up head.
yet i am a warrior, truly fierce,
I’ll ride on my feelings and cling to my beliefs,
this pretentious life,
let me just live it.

she

and as she lay upon the sheets of hope,
silent sobs escaped her throat,
tears just ran down her pretty face,
she cared not of the mess she made.

closed her eyes in vain she tried,
to shut off the images that came blurring by,
those happy days when laughter ruled,
and sadness was just a noun she knew.

she felt how the coldness embraced her,
while the hurt throb and slit her apart,
her disillusioned mind gave nothing away,
and in truth she lost everything.

and now she clung to her only hope,
be this a dream she will awake to,
let laughter rule her only world,
yet she knew, oh yes she knew...

~23:18 *** 09.02.2015~

dreams

dreams, they say,
are reflections of the day,
and i dreamt of you only yesterday,
and if today i want to see that dream again,
it is little wonder, what i only have to do.
i like you in them.
i like you in all of them.
it leaves me smiling in the morning,
the rest of the day becomes reassuring.

But dreams, they say,
ultimately comes to an end,
like yesterday was heaven,
we were riding on rainbows,
and dancing on the clouds,
only to have to say goodbye,
to the dreams of just yesterday.

~22:09 30.1.2015~

run run run

i ran and ran, m gonna reach the end,
tripping over so many a thing,
the careless me, but i keep going,
it doesn't really matter,
as long as i reach the end.
panting hard, my breaths are shorter,
i stumble a lot and i hear laughter,
but damn them people,
why do i even bother?!
and when i see the end of it,
my run was so much worth,
the smiling me, so content!
Exactly how i see myself to be,
And so it is time now I start my run! :D

jajaja

those eyes that speak the unspoken truth,
those lips that curl in a nasty twist,
i see this soul has secrets dark,
and it yearns to unveil what's hidden deep,
the pain, the sorrow that's burdened him,
i try a whisper to soothe him now,
a gentle touch here, and a gentle stroke there,
those eyes now twinkle or i think,
and i wonder if it's of hope.
come out now, those secrets vile,
tell me love, they won't burden your soul,
i can promise you, the truth can't be so bad.
another twist he makes of his lips,
unsure if his secrets need out,
unsure if he can trust me or not,
unsure if there is a secret at all,
i smile knowing how hard i try,
what am i to get out of this pry,
those eyes are just the pretty dark,
and the lips just a pretty curl.

Tell me

Tell me what  you call these?
Days i spend drooling over his,
Tell me what you name it?
The crazy days i go insane,
Tell me how to say things,
Those things that can start a fire,
Tell me if what i am doing,
is not so bad, that i am living.

If i tell you that m dying,
a little everyday,
If i tell you m done trying,
my best to find my way,
if i tell you of those dark moments,
that steal my happiness away,
if i tell the simple truth,
now would you run away?

~bitter cold~
i feel the cold so bitter,
it cuts like knives in places i bared,
so much it had to give,
as much as i didnt want to receive.
it steals each breath i long to keep,
a thief so bold that digs deep,
and i am at loss,
of all my heat.
darling cold, please let me be,
i have a zillion things i see,
that i could do if you aint here,
with the heat you wont rob of me,
i see myself be the young,
jumping up and dancing too,
wearing nothing much at all,
just my skin, i am not ashamed to show.
may be you like the warmth i have,
too much now to let me go,
may be you want to be called warmth,
instead of the bitter cold.
well, if this is true,
and so are you,
i can offer you my warmth,
and you need not steal,
but darling cold, please make sure,
not to cut me,
in places i bared for you.

Blue!
and suddenly i decide,
blue, blue and blue!
excitement bubbles up inside,
yet i had to contain it within.
as the right time came,
i couldn't find no blue,
red will have to suffice,
sadly, the red was no red,
dissatisfied i went with blonde,
and oh my, what have i done?
from wanting blue to going on red,
i'm now the copper pale,
with patches of yellow,
black and red.
must i try on blue again?
patience running out on me,
and i can't just let this be,
i want blue, blue and blue!,
but i haven't a single clue,
if going on blue will ever come true.