the fight within me

this stupid fight i have with me,
starts with love yet hate conflicts,
i love how the words come out,
they are louder than my own voice,
and I like the way they sound,
But i always have had the choice,
to choose to be heard or not be found,
and my choices scare the hell out of me.
i'd rather have my words unheard,
although in writing it reflects my soul,
its an inkling closer to revealing me,
something i am not sure i want,
i'd rather have no one read them,
for they mean the world to me,
its enough that it is in black and white,
its enough that that loudness be confined.
yet m here blogging it away,
and hoping no one reads it,
afraid another soul may see me,
afraid they will come to knowing me,
and my soul that i have perfectly masked.
I am risking my identity here,
I am risking my whole being,
the world shan't know how I'm feeling,
it isn't theirs to know,
and it surely isn't mine to show,
like this stupid conflict here,
which surely doesn't deserve a read!

~16:33