bewitch you

they say it is the season of the witch,
i disagree, but yet i agree,
i sincerely want to bewitch you,
from the deepest darkest corners in me,
shall i cast a spell on you?
and bind you to me for eternity?
i want my magic to rub on you,
so you see me and nothing else,
but doing so would make you mad,
and will you ever forgive me,
if I end up bewitching you?

depressed?

i say my clock is all disturbed,
it is tough to fall asleep at all,
then comes the mornings for me,
which begins when the sun is about to sink,
with a throbbing head that might just explode,
Am I simply feeling depressed?
because the days pass by in much a pain.
sometimes i yearn for some human touch,
yet I know i can survive without much,
though i doubt how i will ever come out,
at the end of all this mess I am in now,
i worry if i'll come out a queen,
a warrior glad to have survived this battle,
or if i'll even make it out a human,
with my sanity still intact and strong,
surely i am not depressed, you think?

that black, thickened soot on him,
suits him to the core of his self,

his gazes that could burn your skin,
with eyes black and cold and dark,
could leave you with sullen marks,
and all the while your skin crawls,
yet you only wish for more.
he will take your hands in his rough,
you will feel him strong and hard yet young,
that blank stare will be fixed on you,
while you feel squeamish under his glare,
and when he opens his hardened lips,
you will not hear no music, nor grief,
only the truth no matter how cruel it is,
he is a phantom and you are the dreamer,
hold on to him if you think you can,
deal with the truth that he only has to offer,
or let him go and let go of his fine hands.

tattoo

i would like to have one,
or two or three maybe,
strewn across my shoulder blades,
it could be small or it could be big,
for as long as it depicts,
the person i am or who i wanna be.
i am an inch or two away,
from getting what i have always wanted,
it will hurt, of course, its flesh!
but the hurt will bring me smiles,
the pain will only make me happy,
for i am a step closer to my own glory.
i will feel myself dance inside,
whilst i get inked and pretty, i hope,
a fulfilled heart will flutter in joy,
but i see of course the wrinkled skin too,
and i promise not to regret my youth,
even the ugly, inked and wrinkled me,
will look pretty, young and lively still,
for the ink shall stain my blood to remind me,
of the fiery self i wish to unleash so badly...

when?

when did the sparks stop flying?
when did i stop trying?
when did the heart stop beating?
when did the lights go out?
when did my eyes close shut?
when did i stop breathing?
when did the truth seem scarier?
when did i start to lose faith?
when did i question us?
when did life start falling apart?
when did it hit me hard?
when did i realize the truth unheard?
when did my memory cease to remind me?
when did giving up became a priority?
when did i finally become me?
when? when? when?

Its funny how I am feeling these days,
Lying on my bed, day after day,
I am perfectly normal, I say,
But I doubt myself, in every little way.

I felt a tremor in my dream last night,
But I felt it in reality too, I swear to it,
and the only one shaken is me,
and my fine sugarcoated lies.

staring at the white walls,
m thinking things that shouldn't be thought,
i am desperate now to freeze the clock,
maybe, just maybe, i am not normal anymore...

~16:52

o.o

She stares upon the girl,
wondering what has become of her,
the girl looks her in the eye,
as if challenging what went on inside,
the girl is stubborn and her soul is dark,
but nothing to stain her,
not even a mark.
She wears her heart on her sleeves,
opening up to everyone she meets,
only to get her sleeves stained in red,
but nothing has she ever said,
only her eyes gleaming in tears,
but her lips stretch into a smile,
except it doesn't touch her eyes,
those eyes speak more than the she could hear,
she brings all her strength together,
and shatters the mirror in screams unheard,
wiping hot tears stinging her eyes,
she doesn't need the mirror,
to see the girl she knows she is,
nor the judgements from another,
She will live by her will,
the troubled little heart she's got,
she knows one day will surely get fixed!

the fight within me

this stupid fight i have with me,
starts with love yet hate conflicts,
i love how the words come out,
they are louder than my own voice,
and I like the way they sound,
But i always have had the choice,
to choose to be heard or not be found,
and my choices scare the hell out of me.
i'd rather have my words unheard,
although in writing it reflects my soul,
its an inkling closer to revealing me,
something i am not sure i want,
i'd rather have no one read them,
for they mean the world to me,
its enough that it is in black and white,
its enough that that loudness be confined.
yet m here blogging it away,
and hoping no one reads it,
afraid another soul may see me,
afraid they will come to knowing me,
and my soul that i have perfectly masked.
I am risking my identity here,
I am risking my whole being,
the world shan't know how I'm feeling,
it isn't theirs to know,
and it surely isn't mine to show,
like this stupid conflict here,
which surely doesn't deserve a read!

~16:33

frustrated

frustration gets the worst of me,
it ignites the hatred i feel for me,
and burns so wild so easily,
and spreads through me so scarily,
and i let it be,
but the storm in me rages too far,
so loud and so ultra clear,
i am useless and stupid and sad,
with no friends to call,
in times of need and when i wanna talk,
what do u call a person like me,
whose visions blurred,
i mean literally,
and whose only thoughts conflict with me,
i can;t not just let it be,
for its getting out the worst in me.
lots of 'ifs' circling around in my head,
if i did that and if i said that,
damn it rubs on and on,
until again i'm so mad at me,
for getting so frustrated so easily!

i met a girl

i met this girl,
so troubled and confused,
she spoke to me,
in silence and tears,
her shaky hands,
all over mine,
as she told me how,
she wished to turn back time.
i felt her pain,
and shared her sorrow,
saw through her eyes,
that nothing really follows,
But in her heart lies,
the truth so hard and cruel.
waiting to erupt,
and destroy her whole world.
this girl that i;ve met,
she spoke of how i felt,
and when the mirror shattered,
it took all of her away,
this girl that i've met today...

my man has a fling

he has a fling,
or two or three,
with women i know not of,
because he's on and off,
and on again,
asking me why,
i don't have flings?
"i love you!",
i say,
supposedly angry,
then i ask him why,
he has these flings,
why, when i'm very alive?
his laughter loud
and very distinct,
echoes in the room
most loudly in my head,
"this women i have a fling,
or two or three with,
shes only in the pages,
and the books on our shelves,
darling, you are beyond compare,
these women are only alive,
in the pages that i read,
trust me, your man has no real flings!"

**the things i love

the things i love,
they start from you,
and the things you do,
they are beautiful.
you tell me things,
such pretty things,
it makes me happy,
and i soar high in love.
your touch i say,
its always the touch of the day,
cause what you do,
leaves me baffled and gay,
its all of you,
that i can proudly say,
why my world now shines,
and glimmers away,
because i have with me,
engraved and entangled,
all the things that let me be,
the way i am,
with the things i love.

ང་འགྱོ་བའི་ལམ་འདི་
བཛོལ་བ་མིན་ན་སྨོ་
བུ་ཚུ་ཁྱོད་ལུ་འབྱུང་མིའི་
སྡུག་བསྔལ་འདི་གི་གཞི་
བུ་མོ་ང་ཨིནམ་ཤེསཔ་ད་
རང་སེམས་ཡང་འཁྲུལ་མས་སྨོ་
མ་གཞི་འཁོར་བ་འདི་ན་
ཁྱོད་སྨྱོང་བའི་སྡུག་བསྔལ་འདི་
ལོག་བུ་མོ་ང་རང་ལུ་རང་
འཁོར་ནི་ཨིནམ་ཡང་ང་གི་ཤེས་ས་
ང་ བཛོལ་ཨིན་རུ་འབད་མ་ཚུ་
ལས་ནམ་ཀོད་་མེདཔ་དྲེས་སྨོ་
ཁྱོད་ལུ་དགའ་བའི་སེམས་འདེི་མི་ཛོགས་
ཁྱོད་གི་ཧ་གོ་འོང་ག་སྨོ་་་་

the days i wish it would never come,
the nights i wish it has no dawns,
my life i wish would make more sense,
and i wish i would make more sense.

not sure these thoughts run through your mind,
but they are always lingering on mines,
how i want to cut open my chest,
let go of the weight that's pulling my rest.

and puff! i want to be gone,
erased from the world,
erased from every memory that holds,
any sign of my existence.

it is suffocating whatever i am feeling,
tears don't heal the scars carved in,
even poetry now is merely a pain,
the words have i none to claim.

I haven't the courage in me to live,
I haven't the wits to even survive,
then what have i to deserve this life,
when i could be dancing among the stars at night?

18:51~